Back after a break

Been a while...

No deep meaningful input for tonight, just an update. Just been ticking over since exams, went to a warehouse rave, my first time, finished at about 6am which was awesome spent the last 2 hours coming down in the seating "death" area but other than that it was pretty decent. Otherwise winding up for the next set in a month or so which is absolutely ridiculous. They just come around disgustingly quickly and before you know it another year has been completed and you're another year closer to the world of work and real responsibility. I've stopped kidding myself that I'm going to write an entry whilst actually at college as i'm just too high too much of the time, don't get me wrong I fucking love it and there's not many places I'd rather be but whilst I'm there I feel almost compelled and that means I'm in no position to write; too relaxed with too little motivation. Speaking of real work I've got a job as an engineer which is incredible...I'll be starting sometime this  year - earning real money which should be nice and taking a year out of college to experience adults who aren't in the bubble that I call college life.

In fact, where I live it seems as if people don't understand how small a pond they're swimming in - I'm not saying I know how big a pond the world is because nobody really can but living in a capital city most of your life you get a good idea. They strut about like everyone wants to know them and talk like what they have to say is the law however the reality is that they have their friends who're also in the bubble they have their parents who make no attempt to burst the bubble and they have girls at clubs who're even more sheltered and "bubble'd" than the guys who're trying to chat them up. None of them have any substance, all of them think they're god's gift to the world and very few of them will make it anywhere and that's not a problem for them because mediocrity in life is what they're gunning for. It's in 10 to 15 years when those of us who're awake to the ways of the world, those of us who know what's going on, those of us who know what we want and know how to get it, those of us who're presented with these mindless morons on a daily basis and lie, manipulate and coerce your way around them in order to achieve something who will be employing these idiots in the future and will be managing their skills, or lack thereof, to complete projects to deadlines. I'm also not saying that everyone is like that because, as I consider myself a good judge of character, I've found a good group of guys who aren't as clueless as everyone else and on the most part are on the same page; nothing to do with intelligence or booksmarts. I was going to provide an example but I fear i'm going on too long - I lie, the example I was thinking of doesn't tie in well enough to be worth mentioning and I wanted to finish this entry but I guess that in itself is an example of what I'm talking about.


At home now though so expect a few posts in the next few weeks...

Exams and After Exams Parties

Wow, that last post was pretty heavy! Just reading through I'm pretty disappointed with myself because if anyone accidentally stumbled upon this little corner of the internet it's 90% likely they were scared away before they read anything else! :(  Alas, it was probably because I was under the stress of exams and that also explains the huge lack of posts. That and the fact I can't help but get high in the evening thereby negating the opportunity to get anything done at all that doesn't involve sitting in one place until the inevitability of sleep takes hold. But that's not a problem because I'm back home again and I'm sober so here I am!

A few interesting things happened over the last few weeks, I had a series of exams, had a little celebration at the end and then came down with a crushing illness, sort of in that order. Nothing too serious but it was enough to put me in bed for 4 days. However I managed to drive back to the safety of home before I collapsed in a vegetable-like heap but not before I veered very almost out of control from my lane on two occasions hitting the hard shoulder and jolting back awake to resume control of the vehicle. Irresponsible I know but I was ill and I needed to get home.

Now the exams; nobody likes exams but there's almost a serenity to it induced by the routine and the work, to be entirely honest, is much much easier than learning something new. All that's really involved is memorization and that's made easier if you're surrounded by friends in the same position; everyone gets cranky but everyone also understands that it's not personal, it's just exams.

It was also made somewhat easier by the introduction of something I had heard a lot about over the last little while, Ritalin. Now I wouldn't usually take something like this because, without meaning to brag too much, I don't need to. I can remember large amounts of information without much difficulty just put me in a room alone for a certain amount of time and I'll get it done. However there's another side to my personality that isn't quite so fastidious, it's a side that takes the easiest road through any situation and that's the side that convinced me to take it.

I took one tablet once a day in the evening when I found that I was "dropping off" and no longer at my peak and it took me to a kind of serene place where I could become super focused and endevour to complete large sections of revision in one go. I was learning like a king. However the down side to this, and to anyone reading and hasn't tried drugs, with a take there is ALWAYS and WITHOUT EXCEPTION a "give"; I couldn't sleep for hours and hours afterwards. I would take it at 5 and not be able to sleep until 5 the next morning. It was horrible. So the natural option was to smoke a spliff. I would revise and come home and smoke and go to bed. I know it seems counter-intuitive but it seemed to work and I could remember everything the next day and in the exam I didn't seem to forget much of what I had learnt. I guess I'll update this when I get my results - if I've done as well as I hope I have then I think I really have pulled off something special. Think about it, waking up with a bit of a stone-over having a coffee and studying solidly until about 5 taking a ritalin and then working through till 11, coming home, eating, smoking spliffs until you can't move and then going to bed, rinse and repeat. It was awesome; let's just hope it pays off.

Now for the end of exams party I went and got some MDMA, now this I feel kind of bad for, it's going to make me sound like a total douche and this is the first time I've done this kind of thing so that preconception you're about to form; un-form it that's not who I am. And bear in mind it's only someone who truly believes that, that would type all of that out to convince a non-existent person that it's true. Anyway I don't feel bad about the MDMA in fact it made me feel quite the opposite the fact is I went and bought it for considerably less that I and everyone else expected however i bought it back and handed it out with everyone reimbursing me for the amount we usually get it for. I pocketed the difference. To be honest I really don't feel that bad anyway I always go and drive to get it and I always get ripped off so really I'm just getting even. Having said that, that night I lost my jacket and jumper; it was a Christmas present from my mother; in fact my favorite present and now it's gone. Then I proceeded to get ill and spend my only week off for the next 4 months in bed. Shit maybe I won't rip everyone off again...karma's a bitch. I hope my jacket is still there I'm going to go check on Monday.


It's not going to be there...fucking clubs...would've been better off not going it's not like I remember it...

Distractions, Distractions...

As a University student with exams pretty soon I'm staying at home at the moment being post-Christmas and what-not. However this means for me as what I'm sure it means for so many other people. Distraction. Hell that's what started this all off.

It seems without either your friends' or peers' ability to collectively shame each other into working - you're left to motivate yourself; and as much as I hate and admire in equal measure people who can sit and work for 16 hours straight without more than a few hours break for lunch and dinner. I'm not one of them and I probably never will be. Whatever I'm focusing on wherever I am; upstairs/downstairs/outside there's something to take my mind off the task at hand, maybe it's because I hate what I do (I don't, that much) but more than anything, the one thing that distracts me most is, say it with me now, FACEBOOK.

It hovers teasingly on the end of a queue of boring tabs covering this and that but none of those drive me with a compulsive urge to check and recheck what's going on with idiotic frequency; even when I know myself that nothings happened I still have to have a peek just to make sure. And you know, I don't think I'm the only one. Unlike almost any other time of the year when everyone has something better to be doing than sat in front of a desk slamming books against their head in a desperate attempt to passively absorb knowledge, at this time of the year you can comment and like and post and sure as the sun will rise; a flurry of responses at some ridiculously alarming rate.

I honestly wonder what the hell used to go on before the internet age; knowledge? I have no doubt that books sufficed as they seem to do quite a bit these days as I progress into realms where only specialist books seem to have the specific things I'm looking for but I mean in terms of distractions there really is nothing worse....

...than stumbleupon.com it's incredible, it takes what you like, sorts through and starts throwing sites at you; figuratively chucking them out from the screen as you dodge just in time to click "stumble" again and you know you shouldn't, deep down, in fact not even that deep you can be telling yourself for HOURS that you'll just check out another site. It's more addicting than crack. Speaking of...

Flash games. Crack. Huh? I said Flash Games. Crack. There, I can't even say one without including the other. Think about it, what do you take in incredibly small quantities and it has you hooked for days/weeks/months/years. It's inexpensive and doesn't seem too bad at first and then BANG you're more addicted than that haggard old whore on a date that end up desperately going home with some young guys looking to score coke with them (It's happened before and it'll happen again; another time another story.) Anyway I digress, flash games are the devils work and if you've ever played them I don't need to make any more analogies and if you haven't? God. Please. PLEASE. Just stay away; you wouldn't do crack so don't do flash games.


Hold on, I think something might have happened on Facebook...